Keep strong and try your best to figure this out and if you can't maybe take a break and send little boy to nan or something so you can figure out what you want in life BUT your stronger than you think just need to realise that for yourself. You can call them, email them or drop in to their branch and they are able to talk through your situation and help you to access local services. I love spending time with you, but I’m not a clingy person. This is something that you should be really proud of. I don't need them to do it for me, I do it for myself all day every day. No one understands how miserable they can make our lives... but I know that these feelings are based on me! I am depressed. Our children need love and attention, and plenty to occupy their minds and work to do with their bodies. Sending you and your son my best wishes xx. So my life at home is really difficult for me at the moment because I am struggling with my relationships with both of them. I Don't Want My Kids Anymore. As it turns out, she looked just like her father from the day she was born. This was brought on by issues with her friends at school and EVERYTHING has been put in place to help her at school but it's not enough. I also have a lovely cat that I am having to re-home because the children hurt her all the time and it is constant battle to get them to stop. You need to do this not only for you for your son because to him you are the most important person in the world so yes...someone does love you and that love won't ever end like a relationship can. And this may include living with your ex. i don't know what to do. I do know how you feel being abused by a cheating liar. My home is my sanctuary. I don’t want to play with them, I did not think that I had to, my mom never did, I played with my sisters. They were painful words. She is like her biological dad, manipulative, aggressive and devoid of empathy. I haven't a clue what I am doing here but I just don't know where to turn as a daren't admit this to anyone I know! I haven't a clue what I am doing here but I just don't know where to turn as a daren't admit this to anyone I know! THE GUILT IS 24/7, I am trying so hard but I am exhausted now and I am sick of her treating us all like utter crap all of the time. His aunt is a very opinionated woman. I am doing my best and i have no life! A child under five may appear clingy, cry, scream or pretend to be ill. After a while the happy in the moments all joined up to be happy all the time. You are welcome to come back and keep talking here too, we are listening. You need to learn to love yourself again and regain self esteem. They were hard to say. However I feel completely different these days. The lady was crying at the end saying that she had missed out on all the memories of her child being little because she had never bonded and had pushed him away because of all his behaviour for so many years. Do you feel these are just thoughts or are you fearing that she may be at risk of acting on them? Many of the other posts on here about others who are struggling to get any enjoyment out of being a mum, seem to be coming from women who are the mothers of babies, where it can usually be linked to post natal depression. Really really hard. You have kindly given me a few minutes of your time, and I do appreciate that. I don't think it's simple but i definitely don't think that you don't love your son Older children may become withdrawn, show disinterest or just be blunt and say, 'I don’t want to go'. I have had to give up work because I was constantly late because of her. She's been referred to all the relevant services (which are crap) and I have nowhere to ask for help. Mc 5 years ago ⭐️. Looks, mannerisms etc. I often feel like I can't make it until my little one's bed time and put her down early (thankfully she goes down well like yours), I can hear myself shouting silently in my head for her to shut up and go away and it can make you feel horrible. The Mix offer counselling sessions for children from the age of 10, but this is via a web chat service and gives her up to 8 sessions which last 50 minutes each. can't cope, can't breath, don't want to be here anymore. I can't stand to live here anymore but I'm only sixteen and can't legally move out but I have nowhere to go because my family doesn't really care about me. Response time almost always gets longer as kids get older, experts agree. I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown. Kids pick up on these things and usually play up/out to it... so try getting some help to see if you do have depression and get his behavior sorted... that may be the best resolve for you. Listen to calming quiet classical or other music and see if they can think about the instruments playing and what the music means. The noise level in the house is horrendous and I find myself having to shout just to be heard. I used to think of myself as a good mum, but I feel like this behaviour must be my fault so I must not be very good at it after all. You say you don't let your son know, but he will feel it and may try and get attention whether good or bad attention, as some is better than none. I think you DO love him because you do all the things a good parent would do. Have quiet times and a reward sticker for keeping it quiet for 20 minutes. Sending you and your son my best wishes xx. Be empathetic and set an example. Could you make an appointment to see your GP this week? Substance abuse. Reply. We learnt lots of mind body things on the course and I benefitted from them all, but mindfulness was kind of a recentering of yourself and a way to live happy in the moment. Your son sounds a good lad and i hope you recover from this and are able to trust again, it wont be easy but you will im sure when you have healed. Do you think there are any genetic traits about your son that remind you of your abuser? The only thing that stops these horrible feelings is going to the gym but I can't go everyday because of my son and so it turns in to a vicious circle of resentment . I know that if I say no to him then I've got some sort of attack coming to me. i am so confused, tired and sick. Keep strong and try your best to figure this out and if you can't maybe take a break and send little boy to nan or something so you can figure out what you want in life BUT your stronger than you think just need to realise that for yourself. As a mother, you may feel blind-sided that your child doesn't want to live with you anymore. I'm in my 50's and have been very happy living alone by choice. Or some real 1:1 mummy son time like a team bonding exercise with lots of laughter might help you to fall in love again. The fact that you hide the feelings of resentment shows this! I can't live with her anymore. Clubs etc is no place to meet a nice good man in my opinion it's unlikely. As a parent you ARE responsible for your child until they turn 18. I have tried every parenting tip in the book, form nice to cross. 2. My daughter-in-law’s parents live three hours away. I am a 38 year old single mum to 2, aged 4 and 6. I would love to chuck her out... but those are just feelings. She also bangs around in her bedroom and makes noise to wake her baby sister up despite us BEGGING her to stop and BEGGING for some chill out time as grown ups without having to look after kids just for a couple of hours in the evening. noone can judge you it sounds a nightmare an I mean no wonder your depressed an its not your fault how you feel , all kids can be annoying an stuff but your daughter has some problems id guess but she cant be all bad , even her dad cant have been all bad as you liked him at one point he was drug taker but I think most people take drugs when they have problems mental issues ect I dont think all good things about my son thats just the truth no child is perfect your younger one will have some bad points aswell but I guess you cant know what the younger ones flaws are yet as their too young, maybe you shouldnt try so hard to pretend to like your daughter as why would you like someone who does horrible things to you , she has a mum who puts up with her still looks after her you didnt give her up or anything , got no advice I dont know what your meant to do but you have carried on with it for ten years I suppose she is getting older and if things dont improve with help well you dont have to live with her once she is older. My husband is have them for the first time in over 9 months, next week. My youngest is a different story, she is happy and loving and I love her as a mother should do and more. It's clear from what you write that you love your son. You guys come in a variety of packaging. The main problem is my parents . I cry all of the time. I find myself wanting to love them but I just can't. She has put holes in my doors, broken my things, she screams and she wails strange, haunting wails and NOTHING I ever say or do changes anything. She doesn't settle until gone 11pm at night. Sent from my SM-A300FU using Netmums mobile app, You have been through a lot of heartache i agree with the previous poster claire that you could have PTSD the fact you have had to be so strong when all you wanted to probably do is collapse comes out later on i find in different ways. I ate the food in front of me, I was over-joyed to have new shoes. Social services aren't interested because she isn't at risk from us as parents It was always obvious that she was different but it took a lot of fighting with GPs to be referred for a diagnosis. What a really sad post this was to read - well done you for having the courage to write so honestly about how you're feeling. The noise level in the house can be reduced. EVERYTHING is drama. It is very isolating. I do care but I don't love them and that guilt is killing me. I definitely think you need to go see your doctor on your own and with your son. Are you able to tell us a little more Zoe? I wish I could work 12 hours/day, 7 days a week and come home and snuggle them for 15 minutes at bedtime. I now am isolated and depressed. I have been separated from him for just over a year now. I remember once I said ‘I don’t want to live anymore, my kids deserve better than this, I should have never had them and dragged them down with me’ I threw out those words to someone. I don't want him. There is the saying that the devil makes work for idle hands. A. I get it: You don't want children. I am at the point of being done, but could I live with myself if I gave them up? What we're your parents like? They are using negative behaviour as a way of getting attention. Sent from my iPhone using Netmums mobile app. I used to be a very happy and positive person. It might be a short time apart would help the absence makes the heart grow fonder saying come true. You cry at the message u wrote. This thread has been a revelation for me. At least you have succeeded in the job and home part. I feel a horrible person in my own home. All nice calming things you can do together that will give them attention. You did not leave your child. I feel like a freak, like a horrible, unnatural mother, a disgusting excuse of a woman. You swear you had a conversation about a plan and everyone was pumped up and on the same page, But then one day, your adult child pretends to … My sons are 6ft boys and I dread to think what damage they could do to me if they ever hit me. However like you, I can't. He has started to have serious melt downs, and is very violent with me nearly all day every day. I'm juggling so many plates and trying to do my best. My x offers no support with the children financially or otherwise and has very little to do with them, but apparently that is my fault, because I supposedly stop him from seeing them. I divorced his father when my son was 4 months old, (I was married with his father for 3 years) because of his father being bi-polar, meaness and I'm feeling like I have become more like his father, cold-hearted, high tempered, and impatient. If you break no one else will help your … Your son sounds a good lad and i hope you recover from this and are able to trust again, it wont be easy but you will im sure when you have healed. It can be very embarrassing when people who are not at that stage (yet) judge you. he … I'm embarrassed to take him anywhere. Jenny, you said that you have had counselling and medication and are aware of CBT, but that none of it has worked - is that right? These were on Ritalin for their condition and were coming off it for a couple of days a week after practicing the mindfulness meditation and sitll maintaining good behaviour at school. If that is the case then you do love him. Maybe I don't hide it as well as I think I do. I actually used to really enjoy being a mum when my little boy was a baby and a toddler. She is violent, aggressive, spiteful, negative and has a problem with almost everything. my mum rarely drunk anymore. They live in a different state which is 12 hours away from where my sisters and I live. But when a parent is struggling I think it's normal to experience feelings of resentment. We have tried almost everything. but even though i love kalan, i do not really want him anymore. I often feel like I can't make it until my little one's bed time and put her down early (thankfully she goes down well like yours), I can hear myself shouting silently in my head for her to shut up and go away and it can make you feel horrible. We dread her waking up each day and banging down the stairs step by step, slowly and ominously. Their behaviour sucks!!!! He was upset and made at me. I am so so dangerously depressed and lost. You don't want to be on your own and that's understandable but aye it's better to be on your own than be with a *** h*le you deserve better and one day your Mr right is going to come along and love both you and your son for you and we won't be like the other and although he will help you heal somewhat. I take the pills but all the pills in the world can't fix this. I cry all of the time. (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk) ‘I don’t want to live anymore but I’m scared to die’ is one of the most-searched mental illness confessions on Google. My BF asked me if his 17 year old daughter could live with us and I said no. I was on autopilot and felt a complete disconnect and I was EXHAUSTED. Leave the blokes alone for a while until you are fixed. A Foot in Two Families. I'm sure there will be those who pass judgement and lay all this at my feet, those who criticise me as though I am not human because of my feelings. How do I tell my friend her child is a brat!??! I think you probably need to address your past maybe with counselling? I can vouch for the fact that it does work. But again can you imagine the judgement from people? If the court finds that it is best for your child to live with you for some or all of the time, even if the child does not want that, the court may decide to order that the child live … And yet it's normal for dads to leave! My son can be an evil little bleep, and my daughter is just unable to control her behaviour. Oh my to have an x that shares in the responsibility of bringing up the children would be a dream. Xx I can't relax for a moment for fear of one of them doing something. Sending big hugs your way. Xx. Whilst it wasn't physical it was very phycological. I am reading this back and feeling like the most horrid person that graced this earth, I have done the whole medication thing and the counselling thing but neither makes anything better, I took medication for a long time and it just made me worse, the consolers can't really answer it when I say to them you can give me every coping technique the CBT books tell you to say But it really doesn't fix the root cause of the issue which is you can buy every bit of happiness in the world, go to every activity and club to meet people and all that rubbish but if you can't be loved or feel love what is the point. She is not a nice child despite being given unlimited love (I'm good at faking it, I know how I should feel and I should act.) Working through the abuse you've been through and learning to love yourself would probably help wonders. As one of the replies to your post said, you must love them because you care and look out for them. They were both getting so much out of it. No, this doesn’t mean I want to break up. If you're facing this situation, the following article discusses ways to help you understand where your child is coming from and how you can cope with the changes. In most states, a child is bound by the parenting agreement until he or she is 18. I want you to want to live. What sort of childhood did you have? I do have a heart that longs to be loved but I can't allow it. You can find out more about this HERE . And you may of fallen out of love with your partner or it may just be that you are feeling so down that you have pushed him away i some times felt that way. She very rarely slept and was distressed and crying for a large proportion of the time, i had just had a botched c section, I was in physical and emotional pain. If they are bored they will get up to things. I do not want to be the horrible new daughter in law and kick her out. I don’t want to be together 24/7. I don't take them out, because I have to constantly be on my guard. With a lot of help from my parents I managed to get away from him. I'm Katie, one of the parent supporters here. How do I fix this? I started feeling like this with my eldest... she is now 12. I definitely think you need to go see your doctor on your own and with your son. The fact that you hide the feelings of resentment shows this! I want to run. Many of the other posts on here about others who are struggling to get any enjoyment out of being a mum, seem to be coming from women who are the mothers of babies, where it can usually be linked to post natal depression. Well done for coming forward. I'm totally loosing the will to live and would rather be dead than have to inflict my daughter with the awful mother that I am. Sometimes, people thinking, “I don’t want my child to live with me anymore” don’t necessarily want to terminate their parental rights — but they do wish for a break from parenting to better their situation. I think you should go and speak to your doctor and tell them everything you have told us they aren't there to judge you but to offer you advice I went a month ago I felt like all I wanted to were walk out of my family home Iv never thought I would want to leave my little boy he's my world but I were hating the word mummy and I were scared I were going to turn against him. Have you been back to your GP to discuss your concerns over her suicidal thoughts? I know typically when a couple split up the children live with their mother, but I can't help but want to split up with my boyfriend and leave my son to live with him. My husband feels stuck, being an only child. You need to do this not only for you for your son because to him you are the most important person in the world so yes...someone does love you and that love won't ever end like a relationship can. I'm so close to the edge. Everyone is different, we all have different coping levels. Don't judge me or write your bad comment here, pls. I just feel like everyone would be better off that way. Obviously I can't talk to anyone about any of these feelings because they would automatically judge me and assume the worst. At least you have succeeded in the job and home part. should i give him up for adoption? As a parent you ARE responsible for your child until they turn 18. Hopefully their door will open and when it does, bite your tongue and listen with an open mind and heart. I'm struggling financially, emotionally and my physical health is suffering. Their behaviour sucks!!!! ... rented house and we were happy. You see his good points, you shield him from when you're not feeling good and not thinking good things. Things cannot go on like this for your family. Sounds like he has some stresses in his life, I imagine he is struggling with hormones & changes as he is going through puberty, let alone all of the wild & scary things that are out there in social media and school and so on. If you don't want or can no longer meet your responsibilities call child services and discuss what options there are for your child. Please note, this area is for people to support one another and is not intended to substitute professional health, legal or financial advice. I've done everything I can to give her a semblance of normality and he has been good to her despite how constantly negative and aggressive she is ) because she scratched her hard when they were in the pool in the summer for no reason. The Netmums forum is currently in read-only mode while we roll out some updates. Try to see the positives in your son and replace bad thoughts with good statements. I know people will read this and judge me, and think I have made my bed so I should lie in it. Please do call social services for help and don't let them fob you off. Not all adult children partake in substance abuse, but many do. By taking responsibility for your emotions and making an effort, you’re showing your child that you want things to be better. The court’s aim is to decide what is in the best interests of the child. From a woman who has been through a lot to and has PTSD like the other person said I think you have this to and finding your feelings can be hard..it doesn't feel like the medication helps and I said that for years but after giving them chance it started helping a hit..it takes time over a month. But it's a logical and normal reaction to how you're feeling and what you're going through. He is a really nice kid at times, he is really funny and entertaining, but most of the time he is just a monster. We have had to lock her outside several times in the garden because she has been so violent and out of control in the house. Dec 11, 2016 #6 He will never be a big part of my life. Always seek professional advice relevant to your circumstances. He used to be so well behaved in public, people would actually comment on it. You name it, I've tried it and it doesn't change a thing. by Gary Direnfeld I want you to live. Could that be your next step to discuss whether she is safe to be at home and raise your concerns again for her? We had just been told he's got anxiety he's 6, maybe if you took your little boy to the doctors and explained how he behaves there might be underlying issue that's not been picked up. I obviously have done a crap job of parenting her because now she is suicidal. There is usually something going on in my life that causes these feelings to surface, it may be depression, it could be loneliness, it could be feeling left out and mid life crisis type thing! Another avenue to try, if you haven't already, is to contact your local Mind Charity. Willie D ... women date men who are in the world they live in, or aspire to live in. You have been through a lot of heartache i agree with the previous poster claire that you could have PTSD the fact you have had to be so strong when all you wanted to probably do is collapse comes out later on i find in different ways. Sent from my SM-G930F using Netmums mobile app, What sort of childhood did you have? People remark on what a good parent I am, and I wonder why they say that, because my kids behaviour is constantly challenging and it is always aimed at me. Could it be that you just haven't received the right medication or talked to the right counsellor for you? I Don’t Want to Live Anymore. Hi Angela, I receive constant abusive from him even when I think I have managed block him in every form possible he still manages. I am so sorry that you are all experiencing such a difficult time and I really hope that you find that one person that can give you the help that you need. Hi Jenny, I'm Loraine, one of the netmum's parent supporters. I firstly could not imagine having to deal with his behaviour while having to look after a newborn. Which I suppose maybe I am, but I just feel like I'm being honest. 2 F. ForeverSpring Well-Known Member. They were using mindfulness meditation to do it and one of the mums there was doing it with her child as bonding time. The guilt is eating me whole, I haven't managed to make her happy and I don't even like her and struggle to love her. Anyway, like you I am sitting here with tears running down my face at what I am about to say, but i don't want my children anymore. I know typically when a couple split up the children live with their mother, but I can't help but want to split up with my boyfriend and leave my son to live with him. But it sounds like you’re stuck between 2 different lives-1 as mummy and 1 as the new you who has the freedom to do what she wants now you’re free of your abusive past. You'll need to take the emotional and practical aspects of a new living arrangement into account as you plan a discussion with your child (and your ex). I know I'm going to sound incredibly entitled but my parents aren't exactly present in my life and anytime they are they push me to live with them. I feel like a failure and a let down, because mum's are not meant to say the things like this. Now, I did a mind body course about 8 years ago when I was suffering deep depression because of infertility that had been going on a decade and after my first IVF ended in a second trimester miscarriage and then a failed frozen embryo attempt. I love my son so much, but I'm afraid I've started to dislike him, I don't like spending any time with him because I know exactly how it's going to go. Of course we are not married so I don't feel obligated to say yes. Pregnant 8 Weeks IVF Rainbow baby Are your children getting enough exercise is the other thing. please help. 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